It was a busy day and your dad was going through a lot of workloads but he didn’t dare take a break because his every drop of sweat counted, it didn’t matter whether his legs were sore or hands black as coal all that mattered was the money he could fetch because he had to buy you those books and also that bike you were secretly wishing you owned but didn’t dare to ask your father. But he dared, he dared of dreaming of watching you ride that bike with that gleeful smile on our face and with a black graduation hat . And suddenly out of nowhere he received an unexpected call which just said ‘WE ARE SORRY, BUT YOUR SON IS NO MORE’. That sweat on his fore head dried, he was choking. Trust me, that father who had the strength to walk miles barefoot on burning path had suddenly sacked down on his chair at once. He lost his only purpose in life and that was you. You took his only purpose of life, away. I could make It out from his expression that he wanted to cry, cry like a baby who was hungry for days yet he didn’t because he knew he was the backbone, he was the one to provide the shoulder to cry on to your mum and now to you as well.
‘Sorry, papa’ said your two-word note found next to your body. These two words so easy to read yet so hard to comprehend. Your father read it again and again but did not know what to say. your mother cried and cried but your father couldn’t shed a single drop because he still couldn’t believe he lost you, his only son, his only purpose. His mind was racing back through all those memories and he was cursing himself for scolding you when you scored a little less, his guilt had no bounds. Those two words that you wrote thinking you couldn’t stand up to their expectations were actually choking him and the more times he read it, the more he became convinced that he murdered you. Your mum didn’t eat properly for days and you’re father stopped looking at himself in the mirror because he had completely believed that he was the responsible one. He misses you and that money that he was saving for your bike and dreams was used for your tombstone which read ‘ You were a great son, I’m sorry.’
It has been a year and even today after your mother is asleep, your father goes to your room every single night and hugs that sheet of yours that you used to hang yourself and sobs like an uncontrollable child.
I know everybody who decided to end their lives must have been through a lot, in fact so much that they decided to end it by ending their lives. But to those who are alive I would say that there is no lock that doesn’t have a key, there are no problems that can’t be solved or no mistakes that can’t be forgiven just hold on there and this bad phase will end soon like a nightmare and it will all be fine.
“The person who commits suicide, dies once but those who they leave behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments asking ‘why’ “.
-BY NEHA KANGRALKAR